i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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