Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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