So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i barfeds in our rink
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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