so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
