Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
