is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
honey bunches of taint.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
