hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
