just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
