dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My dick has a subreddit
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
