And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
