I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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