Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
