so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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