You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
