I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
