take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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