I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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