When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
