9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
