walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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