Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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