To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
