a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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