Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
