Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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