I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
