he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
