Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
