true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
