The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
