the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Randomize
