Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
