the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
