I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
