thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
