he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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