"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
