Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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