Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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