Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
