turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
