her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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