Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
