Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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