If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
