dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
