Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
