My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
whose parrot is this?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
