I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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