That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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