does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
