Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
