Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Operation Purity has been aborted
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
