it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
