Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Moan for me like Helen Keller
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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