man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
