wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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