It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
